Ramblings

We have not left for our trip yet but as I make lists of what to pack, I am already including Christina. In my mind, I guess I think she has already been born! I keep thinking we need to take the port-a-crib so she will have something to sleep in. As I pack our clothes I keep wanting to pack hers. I've wondered if we'll be able to get everything in with her car seat taking up so much room. Reality always kicks in and I remember that she is still kicking around inside of me, not ready to come out for another 3 plus months (and we only plan to be away a bit more than a month) but I am always surprised by my thoughts!

I don't believe mothering is just an instinct. I do believe God gives mothers a beautiful bond with their children, even before they are born. It is so special to feel her in there, bumping about. Her kicks continue to grow stronger, showing her health and strength and reminding me of her precious little self.

I may look back on this time "before we had kids" and think how much simpler/easier life was. I don't doubt that our lives will become more complicated after Christina is born. I've heard the stories from mom's about the lack of sleep, the lack of time for yourself--all the things I take for granted now. But in the midst of that, I hope I never lose my wonder at this precious gift from God--our daughter!

I have so many expectations of what kind of Mom I want to be. I don't want to fall apart physically, I want to always enjoy our children, I want their lives to be full of fun and discovery, I want to train them to be kind and caring for others, I want to protect them from harmful influences (physically, spiritually, emotionally etc.), and I never want our children to feel they need to carry our emotional baggage (to name just a few!) Lots of ideas desperately needing wisdom to carry them out!